The Great Escape.

Character:a 93-year-old woman
Setting:a wedding reception
Time:after a big meal
Situation/Challenge:something embarrassing has just happened

Hello, my name is Agnus Mayberry. I am a simple woman, my days are boring and very seldom full of excitement. Yet somehow at this moment I find myself in a situation that is beyond normal for a woman like me. My knees shake with anxiety and my stomach churns and twitches. As a 93 year old woman, I try my best to find an excuse to stay in my house everyday. But on this cursed occasion I have been pulled from the comfort of my home to this crowded reception by none other than my own family.

This may make me seem like a cold hearted woman who thinks little of my family, but to be honest, If you were in my orthopedic arthritis resistant crocks you would understand why I do not have a great bond with my family. They have scheduled meetings with every "Elderly care unit" in my small North Carolina town and have forced me to attend a tour of every one. But that is not how I intend to spend my final years, I would like to remain in the safety of my home, which is why I am no less than bitter about being here, even if my grandson Ellis has just gotten married.

As if leaving my house was not terrible enough. Upon arriving I was forced to take pictures with every family member in attendance, while each and every one whispered words of love to me, as if I were as fragile as a bird in their hands that would fly away at any moment. After being poked and mauled by what seemed like hundreds of hands, I was left alone to eat my meal and listen to countless toasts. Somewhere after the dishes had been cleared and cake had been served, I was pulled from my seat onto the stage where my daughter whispered in my ear "Make a toast to Ellis and Julie, just say congratulations or something."


I stood there in front of the crowd, cursing every face I touched my eyes upon, I opened my mouth to say the first thing that came to my mind, when I saw my youngest grandson Jude, raise his arm and gracefully release a tennis ball from his grip, which was intended for my terrier Rusty. Before I could swerve out of its path it bonked me on top of my head, causing me to lurch forward and the unthinkable to happen. As if in slow motion I saw my dentures fly from my open mouth, small specks of saliva fly behind it and every mouth in the crowd open in horror.


So, this is what brought me to this situation. Here I am standing silently in front of my family, that is not truly my family anymore. A million questions race through my mind and I suddenly am desperate for an escape. How could I get out of here? I am a strong woman and because of my pride, I must do what I may to protect my last ounce of dignity that remains. I roll my eyes for dramatic effect and make sure that everyone can see the whites of my eyes, then, careful not to harm myself, I drop to the ground. Everyone rushes towards me, screaming, terrified. I feel a roll of laughter urge it's way up my throat but swallow it careful not to blow my cover. "Oh no!" I heard Ellis scream, he had asked me only a week ago to be mentioned in my will, as the heir to my fortune, that secretly consists of three pennies and a quarter, so this small shriek made me shiver with a menacing joy.


"She's had a heart attack!" my daughter says with tears in her eyes, I can hear her shaking voice, although my eyes are closed. "Call an ambulance!" Before long, I hear the sirens approaching and am slipped onto a stretcher and placed in the back of the ambulance. The paramedics turn away quickly and head back to where a huge crowd stands. I watch them silently through squinted eyes. I lift myself up and slink away. I head straight to my car, that is not parked far from where the ambulance is stationed. I put the car in gear and head as far away as I possibly can.


My name is Agnus Mayberry, and at this moment I sit on a beach in Hawaii. I guess that my family stuffed almost ten thousand dollars into a secret account, put away for when I decide to finally move into one of the countless "Elderly care units" I've seen. A check was sent to my house in the mail, after I was reported missing, containing all the money in that secret account. So, here I am, with the world at my feet, happy that I was able to think of the perfect escape.